Don't you hate when you feel like you've really lost one of your closest friends ever?

Well, I definitely do. I hate forgetting people, because it reminds me of how much I hate my short-term memory. It annoys me when I don't remember something that I should, and struggling with such things really tired me out and makes me pretty down.

People come and go, that's for sure. There are some that I hope didn't go, and that counts many people that have changed throughout life. There are a few of my friends whom I wish hadn't changed, especially because I don't think that I can really make a difference in their lives. There are times whereas I hope that someday, just someday, they would return to their original personalities, looks, etc.

It really depends, though. It's what's in the heart that matters, right?

Well, I'm not sure what to say about that, exactly. Sometimes I wish that a person would stay just the same as they have been through the time that I've known him/her.

I wish a lot that people would never have left, physically, even. There are people I want to thank for making me who I am, maybe who I've been. There are lots of things I'd want to say, whether it be about my life, and everything, and even nothing.

There are people that I probably see almost every day, but maybe never talk to anymore. I know that there's a certain person that I remember seeing a lot that I've totally lost my friendship with, and we just pass by each other in the halls, never saying a word like we used to in say... third grade?

I wish that I could just have the guts to talk to her, maybe try to build that friendship from long ago. But I'm just too scared at some times, while I remember certain grudges I have towards her at other times. Maybe she's wondering if we should be friends again, too. But if that'll ever be the case, I hope that she realizes that I hate what she's become.

I have actually begun to make a list of people who I don't want to forget, and I'm hoping to actually have them sign next to their names. I even put my parents in there. There IS such thing as amnesia, but that's not really the point. I feel that if I ever lose them and at least have their signature, I'll remember them.

I'm sure that some of the names on the list will include people that I like, people I love, even people I hate. I want to remember who made me who I am today, and I really hope that they won't forget me. I believe that if they sign my book, they'll remember me. I heard that writing can actually help someone remember something more, and maybe doing this will help me stick out in their mind whenever I see them.

[Expecting a continuation of this entry later.]

-Xan