Eh. It's been a while, ne?

Well, to update on my personal journal, I've been utterly depressed. Though I've gotten myself out of the drama of Fall 2008, it's kind of depressing about what the end of it brought, along with Winter 2008-09.

My fiancé's been pretty much depressed about a lot, but I'm handling that, at least. Another thing about him is what the consequences of his actions had caused.

Back then, he skipped school a lot because of the drama in September. It still haunts us both, I believe. He'd told me that he hadn't been skipping, but he actually did this week. He skipped two classes. Apparently, his parents promised that if he would not skip any classes for one week, he'll be allowed to come over to visit me on that said week. They actually made that agreement last week with him, and they told my parents about it a few days back. How depressing is that?

What hurts the most about this is that he was supposed to come to one of my school concerts. What else hurts about that? I hoped so much that he'd be able to go to it. That's the third event that falls under "Hopes to go to a School Event", as well as "Failed Hopes to go to a School Event". Yes, there were three...

One was a spring concert for eighth grade. I was praying that he'd make it on that day, but he couldn't. Then there was graduation from middle school. What failure to attend that, as well. He had choir practice that night, since it was a Friday. To get my mind off of it so I wouldn't cry my heart out, I ended up not attending the graduation ceremony at all, and I went to church for Children's Choir practice, since we had practice that night, too. What a great coincidence for me...

Well, tomorrow's the concert, and I still need to practice. I also have a damned term paper to do for arithmetic [mathematics, for those who don't understand what the hell "arithmetic" means]. I forgot how long it's supposed to be. I think about 2 pages? But I'm wondering why I keep getting "6 pages" chiming in my head. *sigh*

God, I need to practice on my clarinet tonight, and this paper needs to get done so I can keep my concentration on the concert tomorrow night. Then there's a project for English that I have to hand in after the Christmas WINTER BREAK. On the 2nd, I believe. Oh, how crappy this is.

I even need to be a good example of an awesome first [or second // third] clarinet, since Derron, my competition for first clarinet, isn't really showing himself as such a mature person. I may not be so mature either, but I can act like an honors student who plays first clarinet better than he could. But it's not sad that I'll be second or third clarinet, since I'm a freshman and I'll be playing with the Jazz Band. Heh.

As for that term paper, I'll be doing the fourth dimension. Yep, what a difficult one! I'm wondering why the hell I chose it! I think it's 'cause my fiancé [or someone else] mentioned it to me at one point, and I thought it was interesting. Anyone willing to help me out here..?

The English paper... I could work on it later. Pshh!

Well, all of this is piling up on my shoulders quite high. The stress and sadness that is caused from the knowledge that my fiancé won't attend the concert just makes me collapse. I might just go cry in my room from these thoughts. Hah...

I'm such a crybaby, aren't I? I know I am.

I definitely am...

Oh, and happy holidays to whomever would see this at all...

--Xan