Hm... What could I say about life?

Well, it's a lot of things.

Life is hell. There have been too many times where bad things have happened, ranging from spilling milk to death and further. I've experienced too much for a common teenage girl to know, apparently. But that's just the world today.

I've hurt my family, friends, even people I don't know crap about. I'm not so fond of life itself because of one vital part of human life: emotions.

My poetry has been expressing myself for years, and I'm saddened by the fact that I haven't kept such a range of my poetry. There's still a bit that I probably left on Quizilla a few years back. That was probably three years ago, but I apparently abandoned Quizilla for Xanga, then MySpace, then this. It's all hard to believe all this.

That's another thing I dislike, as well. Change. I, myself, have not changed so much from that young and suicidal little girl. I was in a state of extreme depression since fourth grade with certain beliefs, while I became suicidal during my 6th grader years. It's hard to believe from someone who's as hyper as hell in school. That's only because I have hidden such depressing emotions ever since certain events had come into my life.

Someday, I hope to lose this feeling of depression in its entirety, so that I can be able to be as good of a person as I have dreamed. I've learned that losing my depression can help me become what I've always wanted to be, but I don't plan on losing my depression any time soon.

It's awkward, how I planned to talk about life in this blog entry. I just ended up talking about emotions and my past. I wish not to get into it, but I'd rather do it. I love to open myself up to the world.

I have a notebook that I write in strictly during school times, since I find the pointless. Especially in my regents classes.

I wrote a bit of poetry in the center of it, which is easy to find since it's a composition notebook. It's pretty cool, since I have different uses for the book. I even have a code in it, and I practice it a bit in there. Recently, though, I got this spiral notebook where I put only poetry in it. I have a profile of my "inner" self in the code that I made, which is kind of wierd.

The center of this notebook represents my heart.
This poetry remains as signs of inspiration.
My soul is filled with wishes tearing me apart.
But as least I can be a view of my own generation...

I want to be someone important to the world. I want to someday make a change in the world. I haven't yet, though, and there's a small chance that I will. My imagination extends to different dimensions, which is really crazy to most. I want people to know my story, and the closest way to reach such imagination is through my writings, which isn't even half of what should explain my thoughts towards this world, as well as others.

I'll probably put poetry up here. Maybe. Just maybe...

One notable piece of poetry turned out to be somewhat alright. I'm probably thinking of continuing to edit it.

Interaction sets aside the once-lonely girl.
Adoration brings about the lust towards this world.
Condition sinks in deep as the other can apply.
Attraction starts yet ends with words "For you, I would die."
Rejection kills the depth of how the lover heals, [yet]
Acception smites the doubt away, but throws away what's real.
Separation builds up all of the hatred deep inside.
Irritation begins to build up this deep depression that I hide.
Eruptions of my tattered heart reveals my rotten soul.
Realization tells me and makes me know that it's you that makes me whole...

It didn't come out so well. I struggled for days on this, and yet I'm not satisfied with this piece.

But either way, words cannot express what I feel...

Hell is simply home without a heart.
Love is such a feeling that only tears our lives apart.
Trust is what's lost after years of little lies.
My heart is all that has me followed to my demise.

Well, either way, my poetry can still express me. It can depress a person pretty well with how my poetry can hit them. It strikes the heart when put into deep thought, and some can view certain pieces quite differently from others.

Even now, I still wonder of what people would think of me if I were gone. To me, it's a childish thought, but it's still scarring me deep in my heart of how confused I am with my thoughts towards this life of mine. My emotions had run wild every now and then, and I can only agree at this very moment that being alone would probably heal this heart of mine...

Well, since that's what's on my mind, I'll be back soon. Ja ne~!

-Xan